


R6S April Fool's 2020

by Grain_Crain



Category: Tom Clancy's Rainbow Six (Video Games)
Genre: April Fools' Day, F/F, Family Feels, Friendship, Gen, Humor, M/M, Pranks and Practical Jokes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-03
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 20:53:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23453569
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Grain_Crain/pseuds/Grain_Crain
Summary: This is an archive of all the April Fool's drabbles/ficlets that I wrote on my Tumblr.
Relationships: Implied Amaru/Mira, Implied Buck/Jackal
Comments: 26
Kudos: 18





	1. SAS April Fool's

**Author's Note:**

> It's quite different from how I usually write, but in order to write for ALL the 21 CTUs in a span of two days, I chose the fastest, easiest and meme-st way. (Lion is included in GIGN and Finka is in Spetsnaz, CBRN isn't in the entry.)

Sledge is holding a bucket of water and readies to place it on top of a door. Mute has his phone ready to take a video and Smoke is ready to laugh after calling Thatcher into the room they're in.

**Thatcher:** Porter. Porter! Good that you called. (His voice rings down the corridor.)

**Smoke:** Yeah, what's up?

**Thatcher:** I've received a message. It's important.

Sledge looks unsure whether he should place the bucket. Smoke nods his head, asking him to carry out the prank.

**Smoke:** Okay. Just come in.

**Thatcher:** It's about your daughter.

Mute shakes his head and Sledge throws the bucket out the window. Smoke curses under his breath and opens the door immediately.

**Smoke:** What? WHat??

**Thatcher:** I've got an e-mail from her school. Thank God you put me down as an emergency contact.

**Smoke:** Shit, I forgot to check mine today.

**Thatcher:** It says she's got expelled.

**Mute:** Damn.

**Thatcher:** She's been selling pills!

** Sledge:  ** No way.

** Thatcher:  ** Did you hear about her affairs? Gods, Porter. What's been happening with that sweet lass?

** Smoke:  ** I don't- this is ridiculous.

** Mute:  ** Maybe she takes after her dad.

** Smoke:  ** Not funny.

** Thatcher:  ** Not funny at all. (He whips out a water balloon from his holster and smashes it against Smoke's dumbfounded face.)

** Sledge:  ** Blimey!

** Thatcher:  ** The e-mail also says "I love you, da." Happy April Fool's, chum buckets. (He leaves, whistling a jolly tune.)

** Mute:  ** (Saves the video and sends it to the entire group chat.) Holy shit.


	2. FBI April Fool's

**Pulse:** I'm still surprised you thought of a prank. A _prank._

**Ash:** It's about time he suffers. I can't be the only one cleaning up after his mess while he smiles like a damn fool.

**Castle:** It'll be hard, though. He's mastered the art of being a troll.

** Ash:  ** Shush. If he can do it, there's no way I can't do better.

Rook walks by and his face lights up when seeing a massive packet of Oreos on a table.

** Rook:  ** Can I have one?

** Ash:  ** (Slaps his hand.) No. _Casse-toi._

Rook gasps and saunters off. He nearly walks into Thermite and jogs away.

** Thermite:  ** Wow, haven't seen him that grumpy since Doc told him to ease up on sweets.

** Pulse:  ** Heyo, J.

** Thermite:  ** Heyo, J. (They share an 'ayyy' moment with finger guns.)

** Castle:  ** I don't wanna do this.

** Ash:  ** Then go. (She pushes the packet closer to Thermite.) Jordan. Want some? (She eats one that's normal.)

** Thermite:  ** Hell yeah I do. (He takes one and chomps down immediately.)

** Pulse:  ** Awesome. (He also bites into a normal one while patting on his pocket that has a minty-white-fresh toothpaste in.)

** Thermite:  ** Man, they are really getting experimental with these flavors, huh? (Thermite takes another one.) Still pretty damn good.

** Ash:  ** What the fuck.

** Pulse:  ** How about this one? (He points at a section that has sour cream in the middle, instead of the original sweet cream.)

** Thermite:  ** (Takes a bite.) Wow. Wooow. This is some adventurous combo. Where did you get these? (He swallows three as a whole.)

** Pulse:  ** I can't believe it.

** Castle:  ** Try this one. (This is it. Oreo with sugarless egg white cream in the middle and the chocolate biscuit bits are plain, unsweetened dough with activated charcoal as the base.)

** Thermite:  ** Oh. OH. Yuck. Is this for people with diabetes? Miles, I thought we were bros! (He spits and gags.)

** Ash:  ** THAT worked?

** Castle:  ** (Shrugs.) I guess so.


	3. GIGN April Fool's

**Twitch:** Aghhhhhhhhhh

** Mira:  ** Doc, come quick!

** Doc:  ** What, what happened?

There's a pool of red swelling beneath Twitch. People stare with their mouths closed, eyes shaking.

**Mira:** She's bleeding. Do something!

**Doc:** (Smells something sweet.) Hold up. Is this cranberry juice?

Someone yells 'Aw fuck.'

** Twitch:  ** Damn it. I told you we should use industrial paint.

** Doc:  ** Absolutely not. You know how toxic it is. Good effort, though. (He leaves promptly, leaving behind the garage that's loud with Mira's guffaw.)

** Rook:  ** (Comes up with a sheet that has data tables and reports.) Gus, look! I don't have that much sugar in my blood anymore!

** Doc:  ** (Read over with squint in his eyes. He grabs a pen from his ear and ticks off each section.) Fake. Fake, fake, fake, fake, fake. Tell Grace that she needs to work her Photoshop skills.

** Rook:  ** But I gave her all my bon-bons for the week!

** Doc:  ** Good. She needs them more than you. See you.

He returns to his office and sees Montagne rummaging through the cupboard.

** Doc:  ** Gilles?

** Montagne:  ** (Flinches as if he's caught on an act.) Gus! Ami. What brings you here?

** Doc:  ** This is my office. What are you doing?

**Montagne:** (Hides something behind.) Just looking for a painkiller. Migraines, you know?

** Doc:  ** Binding tape isn't a cure for migraine. Did you sprain your wrist again while doing heavy lifting? Again?

** Montagne:  ** No.

** Doc:  ** _ Gilles. _

**Montagne:** (Lifts up his swollen wrist with a meek smile.) April Fool's?

** Doc:  ** _Mon dieu!_ (It takes only a moment to put the binder on, but the lecture is nearly an hour long. Montagne leaves, looking hollow and empty from verbal evisceration.)

There's a knock on the door. Doc sighs in exhaustion and opens up anyway, fully ready to give another lecture if it's Rook or Twitch.

** Lion:  ** Kateb.

** Doc:  ** Flament.

They share a glare.

** Lion:  ** I've decided to not believe in God. Jesus can rot in hell and all Roman Catholic priests are big fat liars. Religion is a sham.

** Doc:  ** (Readies to get a thermometer.) Are you delirious? Sick?

** Lion:  ** No. It's all a big fat lie because I wanted to see your book smart face looking dumb like you've seen someone who believes in WebMD. Goodbye. (He leaves with the biggest smirk. The walk in brisk and jolly until he has to sprint away from Doc who's waving a bone saw at him.)


	4. Spetsnaz April Fool's

**Tachanka:** Who did this?

**Kapkan:** What

**Tachanka:** All of our vodka. They are water now.

**Kapkan:** (Takes a sip and spits out.) Fuck!

**Glaz:** Do you remember what Kateb said the other day? How we need to reduce our consumption? Bet it's because of that.

** Kapkan:  ** Did you do this?

** Glaz:  ** No.

** Tachanka:  ** You make it sound like you know. (He snakes hand down Glaz's pockets.)

** Glaz:  ** Stop, you idiot! It's not me. I've got nothing.

** Kapkan:  ** That's what Western spies say.

** Glaz:  ** Look at you. Saying the kind of joke Alex would say and you told me how shit they are.

** Tachanka:  ** You don't like those jokes?

** Kapkan:  ** Don't look at me like that! I've never laughed at any of them.

**Finka:** Guys. (She hands them a bottle that used to contain kvass.) This tastes like black tea.

**Tachanka:** I knew it. It's those Brits!

**Glaz:** It can't be all of them. But Porter is a different story.

**Kapkan:** That short Hobbit fuck.

**Tachanka:** We go there now. Show him the unspoken law of Siberia.

**Kapkan:** No. We aren't savages. What we do instead, is that we figure out his line of foot. (He spreads a wide paper and begins to draw the structure of the base, drawing lines on where Smoke usually goes and put crosses that symbolises traps.)

**Glaz:** I can be up there and shoot him. Rubber bullets, of course.

**Tachanka:** Lead him to me and you know what I'll do.

**Glaz:** Don't choke him too hard. Just enough to have him lose consciousness.

**Tachanka:** Fine. Let's go.

They rush out. Finka stays behind, collecting all the bottles to pour out the substitutes.

**Finka:** Fools. Adrenalin-driven fools.

**Fuze:** (Walks out from his bedroom, carrying a set of bottles that have real liquors in.) I had to do it. They get too loud when drunk.

**Finka:** Just loud?

**Fuze:** Don't ask for more details.


	5. GSG9 April Fool's

**Bandit:** I'm taking a vacation.

 **Blitz:** Why?

 **Jäger:** I know why. Because it's Fool's Holiday.

 **Bandit:** No, I'm really taking a vacation.

 **IQ:** It's okay, Dom. It's okay to admit your own intellectual limit.

 ** Bandit:  ** I thought that was 'your' dilemma. (He ignores the piercing leer from her.)

 **Blitz:** Oh, so you're really going on a holiday, huh.

 **Bandit:** Yup. See you all in two weeks.

 **Blitz:** That's too bad, because I've heard it's not a good idea to go on a holiday on April the first.

 ** Jäger:  ** Why not?

 **Blitz:** It's- no. Forget what I said. Have a good time, Dom.

 **Bandit:** No, what is it?

 **Blitz:** I don't want to ruin it for you. Just go and come back to us in one piece, yeah?

 **Bandit:** Elias I swear on my tattoos you better tell me.

 **IQ:** Yeah, tell us.

 ** Blitz:  ** Alright. So you guys know about Tarot card, right?

 **Bandit:** I smell bullshit already.

 **Blitz:** No, but listen. So there's a card called The Fool and it's related to the whole holiday of April Fool's. It signifies delirium, carelessness, frenzy. That's why people pull pranks on the first of April.

 **Jäger:** Oh wow. I'm too scared to listen. (He leaves the couch and goes into the bedroom.)

 **Bandit:** Marius, are you serious? Come back.

 **IQ:** Shush. Let him talk.

 **Blitz:** The Fool is also a man who looks like a wanderer in the card. Someone who walks on without any real place to return. Messy hair, unkempt clothes. He's forever alone, walking somewhere without a destination. So something bad is bound to happen to people who travels during this time.

**Bandit:** Let me get this straight. Are you saying I'm going to get lost because of some stupid superstition that's made by ancient old mystics?

 ** Blitz:  ** You can leave tomorrow. You can do that for us.

 **Bandit:** Fuck this. I'm going.

 **Blitz:** (Holds Bandit back.) Please. Just for one more minute.

 **Bandit:** Why?

 **Jäger:** (Walks up behind Bandit.) Because we didn't have enough time to prank you this year. (A whoosh to strike his hand full of whipped cream against Bandit's cheek.)

 ** IQ:  ** Eugh.

 ** Blitz:  ** Smack cam!

 ** Bandit:  ** Are you fuckin- Are you- You fuck! How old are you guys?

 ** Jäger:  ** I don't know. How old were you last year? When you connected your batteries on our communal toolbox?

 ** Blitz:  ** And Alvarez thought it was all of our fault when it was just you.

 ** Bandit:  ** Monika didn't get yelled at.

 ** IQ:  ** Because she trusts me. Not you. (She sprays more cream on Bandit, blinding his eyes.) Have fun, boys.

* * *

[A little follow up after the above episode, **[kindly requested by dimethief](https://grain-crain-drain.tumblr.com/post/614287848677474304/the-original-thread-of-this-post-is-from-gsg9)** ]

After shoving copious amounts of whipped cream down their throat, Bandit finally prepares to leave for his holiday. He then nearly trips over because his ankles are bound by Blitz’s hands.

“Don’t go, Dom.” 

“I’m-” Bandit drags the man with sheer power of spite and determination, “Going-” He doesn’t care if the younger man will get carpet burn, “Right-” Just a little bit more. The doorknob is within his reach,” Now!”

“I don’t know. Maybe you should listen to him.” Jäger blocks the way and Bandit’s patience is paper thin from snapping.

“Okay. Alright. You know what?” Bandit relaxes his body and licks on the remaining cream that’s caked on his beard, “Consider yourselves invited. Come with me.”

“Oh?” 

“You heard me,” Bandit pulls on his beard and may as well rip them off, “See if I will get lost or not. I’m going to hire you as my guard dog if you don’t believe how much of an independant and capable traveller that I am. 

“But we haven’t applied for ours yet.” Blitz looks up, almost puppy-like.

“I will talk to Harishva. Tell him it’s under special circumstances or some shit like that.”

“You don’t have to do that. I will let you go.” Jäger steps away from the door, revealing his true intention as someone who wanted to drag the prank a bit longer.

Bandit lunges to grab on the other man’s collar, “No, you’re going to come. See the end of this. You’re in for it.” 

That’s the biggest ‘uh-oh’ moment. Blitz and Jäger planned to stall their colleague’s departure so IQ can work on other pranks, but it turns out they pressed all the wrong buttons tonight. Now here they are, successfully igniting the age old temper that Bandit had gained from his rowdy undercover days.

“Monika will be confused.”

“Fine. Bring her too. We’re all going.” Bandit kicks the door down and struts away. Blitz tries to follow the man and Jäger goes to warn IQ for the shitstorm they’re about to get involved in. How surprising and whimsical it would be if Harry agrees to such a rash proposition? 

And it happens. Throughout the half an hour drive to the airport, Bandit seems to not care for IQ’s piercing gaze, Blitz’s thousand questions and Jäger’s futile attempt to ease the chaotic atmosphere. The first words he musters is when they board on the aeroplane, “This is just a week’s worth of trip. Shut your mouths.” They land in London. Bandit walks ahead from his group, but at some point he’s either behind or on their side. Even when they stay at a motel room with two beds, Bandit insists to sleep on the couch because as he says, “I didn’t plan to have this many people around me. You’ll have to make do with one bed, boys.” 

“I mean, it’s only fair. Marius and I can share one and Monika can have one for herself.”

“Why did you even book two beds?” IQ asks while chucking a blanket over Bandit.

“So I can fuck. What else?” Bandit smirks at her frown.

“TMI. That’s just, agh!” 

“Time to sleep! We’ve got a train ride early in the morning, right?” Jäger turns off the light, too eager and excited.

“Right. To Amsterdam” Bandit closes his eyes. When he opens them up, it’s almost like he time travelled to some distant future where he’s already on the railway express. He honestly can’t remember the exact moment of waking up, rubbing his dry eyes, swallowing dry toasts as whole and hauling their luggages to the station and nearly missing out on their ride- Oh, perhaps that’s why he’s having a memory slip. It had been overtly hectic for his half-awaken brain. 

“Where to now?” IQ nudges on his side as the speaker reminds them of their stop. 

“We need to rent a car.” Hence that’s what they do. Jäger wants a hardy SUV while Blitz points at a sleek saloon, so they settle with IQ’s choice of a ute that runs with diesel.

“I’ll drive. You look too tired for this.” Jäger pokes on the bag under Bandit’s eyes.

“No. You won’t know where to go.”

“I don’t want to die in a car crash. Let him drive.” IQ pushes him down and that’s that. They promised to wake him up upon reaching Dwingelderveld, because they will be going on a road that’s off the navigation.

When it’s Bandit’s turn to drive, they arrive at some country side without anything much around them. Green pasture that meets the dusk-drawn orange sky on a parallel line. He parks up next to a house that appears a little rusted on the outside, but the interior is quite modern and minimalistic.

“This is nice,” Blitz gawks in awe, “When did you buy this place?”

“Years ago. With money that I earned from the Rainbow,” Bandit yanks open a cupboard to find bottles of beer, “Have as much as you want.” He proceeds to crack one open and grab a seat on the porch. 

“So quiet. Haven’t had this kind of scenery for- I don’t know. It’s been too damn long.” Jäger settles down on the ledge, facing Bandit’s right side.

“Yeah. Makes me forget about what we do back there.” Blitz tries to squeeze on the small stool that Bandit’s already sitting on, and chuckles when pushed away.

“Almost makes me feel like I want to stay here,” IQ walks down to enjoy the soil under the soles of her shoes, “Forever.” She turns around to lock her eyes with Bandit’s, to which he averts.

“I guess there’s no use to hide things from you.” Bandit downs his drink and opens another.

“Dominic. Is this where you go during the holiday season?”

“Not all the time. Just somewhere to stay for a bit before I return to my family. I stay until when I’m ready,” Bandit scratches a little, “It works better that way. Getting things out of my system.”

“What if you aren’t ready soon enough?” Blitz rubs his thumb against the line that separates between the beer and empty space in the bottle.

“Then I don’t go. Trust me, it’s best for all.”

“Is that why you want to stay here forever?” IQ won’t beat around the bush. Blitz gasps when he remembers the foolish tale he had told back at the base, the Fool card from Tarot.

“And get court martialed? Hell no. Not after what I’ve done for them,” Bandit lowers his head, “Not after all this. But I do think about retirement from time to time.”

“I see.” Wind sways their hair and seeps through the clothes. The chill passes through each and every one, and yet none feels it the same at this very moment. 

“Hey, but you brought us here. To your secret lair.” Blitz extends his warm hand to lay it on Bandit’s. 

“Yeah. And we’re here to get back with you. You won’t have to leave alone.” Jäger hangs his arm around the other men’s shoulders, enveloping Bandit and reaching out to Blitz.

“Don’t worry about missing a thing. I will take care of them.” IQ strolls back to stand in front of Bandit. She’s blocking the magnificent view of nature, but Bandit is surrounded by the bond that may shine brighter than the sunset.

“Goddamn it. I didn’t bring you all here to make a charity case out of me,” Bandit keeps his eyes glued on the wooden boards beneath him. He dares to not look up. Not that he’s crying or embarrassed, but there’s a veil of complicated vulnerability that he’s uncomfortable to show, “You’re all here to see that I will come back to the base. I won’t get lost or desert you. I will go back on my own feet.”

“Yes, we know.” 

“Good. Glad you know that.” He doesn’t push away the warm blanket of human contact. The mutual trust and respect he once doubted and yet craved to death. This won’t be the magic that will cure whatever squirms within him. It can only soothe and give him some courage to squander it on his own. Sooner or later, Bandit will catch up with his past, walk along until he reaches the present and take a faithful leap to the future.


	6. JTF2 April Fool's

**Frost:** Are you sure this is gonna work?

**Buck:** Might as well. Did you lessen the pressure on the springs?

**Frost:** Some. But not all.

**Buck:** Too late. We will just watch from here.

Two of them are sharing a phone to view the camera that's attached on a poll of an open area. In the middle, there's twenty dollars notes glued on a stool but it's surrounded by five Welcome Mat hidden under dry leaves.

[Operators are chosen from[ **Randomiser generator**](https://www.random.org/lists/)]

**#1 Castle:** He walked by and looked at the note. Stopped to stare but shook his head and continued to walk along.

**#2 Capitão:** Upon seeing the note, he walked closer then stopped. Threw a nearby branch on dry leaves and watched whether there's anything unusual. Thankfully the branch didn't trigger the trap, so he walked in and got trapped. He was given double the amount for compensation.

**#3 Nøkk:** Camera signal was lost. When it came back, the note was nowhere to be seen.

**#4 Bandit:** A rascal. He stepped into the leaves and got trapped, but continued to slam his other foot to trigger all the mats. Took the note and used the stool to bash the trap off from his leg.

**#5 Oryx:** He's not human. Who just charges in like that? Stomped so hard to break the trap under his feet. Twenty dollars was lost in vain.

**#6 Caveira:** How. What? How did she know where to step between the traps? She even took the stool. We fear what she will use that stool for, and hoping it's nothing like one of those WWE wrestling.

** #7 Glaz:  ** He brushed off the leaves and found the traps. But he went without taking the note. Damn it.

#8 Fuze:  Stepped into all the traps. How can a man be so adamant and stubborn? Got four on all his limbs and the last one is on his face. We had to come down and free him. Buck nearly got his nose broken.

**#9 Alibi:** She got trapped and fell. Didn't get up for five minutes. Frost went down to free her and got head locked between her legs.

**#10 Ying:** She tip-toed to not step on the leaves. Stretched as best as she can to grab the note. Body fell flat on the mat and her waist got trapped. Frost was about to go down and help, but my gods. We've never seen someone burst into anger like that, splitting the trap into half with sheer strength. It was a bone-chilling roar and stool was shattered into many pieces. She nearly ripped the note but regained her sense to tuck it in her pocket.


	7. Chapter 7

**Blackbeard:** Castellano.

**Valkyrie:** Jenson.

** Blackbeard:  ** Do you remember the Hell Week?

** Valkyrie:  ** How can I forget? You were the one who gave me a lesson of a life time.

** Blackbeard:  ** You're not holding a grudge on that, are you?

** Valkyrie:  ** No. Thanks to you, I didn't know I could do that many push ups with a full grown adult sitting on top of me.

** Blackbeard:  ** Hey! Showed that you're pretty strong.

** Valkyrie:  ** Get to the point.

** Blackbeard:  ** This is an age old tradition, but I'd like you to lead the Hell Week this time.

** Valkyrie:  ** Really?

** Blackbeard:  ** Yup. Here's the list of operators who are interested in tasting a little bit of SEAls. Myself included.

**Valkyrie:** You aren't doing this as an April Fool's joke, are you?

** Blackbeard:  ** Not at all. You don't see me joking around.

** Valkyrie:  ** You better not take your words back.

** Blackbeard:  ** Oh boy.

Hence here they are at the gym. All the operators are wearing a gym gear assigned to them. The music is a fast paced (Liszt, La Campanella) piano piece and everybody is doing their twenty minutes worth of high knees.

** Valkyrie:  ** Come on! Show me those sweat patches under your armpits!

** Blitz:  ** (Wearing bright pink tutu and skin tight rainbow pants.) This is a really great exercise! I'm not sure about these gears, but wow they are good at ventilating my sweat out.

** Blackbeard:  ** (His plastic wings are fluttering, cheap sparkles dispersing as he continues to move vigourously.) Yeah. It's a real work out.

** Wamai:  ** (Moving strands of pink wig outta his face. His chests are bouncing with shake-shift shell bra. Pants are shimmery scales that reminds you of The Rainbow Fish.) This is a little... different than how I thought it would be.

** Valkyrie:  ** Time to dip into the mud!

** Blackbeard:  ** No, not again. It's bad for my beard.

** Valkyrie:  ** (Pushes him into the pool of chocolate milk.) Get onto it. Chop chop! Find the worms but use your mouth. Get on it!

** Sledge:  ** (You can see his bald head shining beneath the red, curly wig. His blue dress is already ripped from shoulders due to raging biceps.) Yes ma'am!

** Blackbeard:  ** Castellano, this is ridiculous.

** Valkyrie:  ** Shut it, princess! I need to see your royal ass down, pronto!


	8. BOPE April Fool's

**Capitão:** Taina, did you draw on my eye patch?

** Caveira:  ** No.

** Capitão:  ** Are you sure? (The black cover that was once smooth now has a cat eye drawn in shaky like. It's smudged and still wet, possibly done with a correction pen.)

** Caveira:  ** I don't celebrate stupid shit.

** Capitão:  ** Okay. (He takes out a strand of cigar to smoke, but finds out it burns too much smoke.)

** Caveira:  ** You should stop smoking.

** Capitão:  ** What in the world? (After a feat of cough, he takes another one out to smell.) Are this tea leaves?

** Caveira:  ** You smoke tea? That's weird.

** Capitão:  ** Girl, where are my real cigars?

** Caveira:  ** How would I know? Go ask Brunsmeier or Porter.

** Capitão:  ** No, you are doing this. What's next, huh?

** Caveira:  ** Nothing.

A phone rings from Capitão's back pocket. He answers, sighs and denies whatever he's hearing from the other side of the line.

** Capitão:  ** Did you tell Kateb that I've been coughing more than often? He's asking if I need to check in for lung cancer.

** Caveira:  ** I've got no time for that. Who cares about your health anyway. Fuck off and stay put somewhere else.

** Capitão:  ** Alright. I'll see you then. (He is about to walk off then stops.) Taina, Isn't it time to sharpen your knife?

** Caveira:  ** My knife is fine.

** Capitão:  ** No, just check. Have a look.

** Caveira:  ** What are you on about? (She unsheathes her knife and something sloshes out. The handle is the same but the blade - it's sticky, wet and far from being solid. Instead of metal, there's a red jello that's about to melt off.)

** Capitão:  ** You aren't the only one with sleight of hands. _Dia Dos Bobos._

** Caveira:  ** FUCK YOU!!!!!


	9. SAT April Fool's

**Echo:** Oh, it's the April the first.

**Hibana:** Oh yeah.

** Echo:  ** Just another day, another year. I don't get why people hype over it.

** Hibana:  ** Maybe because they get to be silly and carefree?

** Echo:  ** I mean, I get that. But people can do that anytime they want anyway.

** Hibana:  ** Not really. There are some people who cares about how they are perceived.

** Echo:  ** Like you?

** Hibana:  ** Hey. I'm not uptight.

** Echo:  ** Sure you aren't.

** Hibana:  ** Okay, that's it. I'll show you. I'll show you how unruly I can be.

** Echo:  ** Give me your best shot, Imagawa.

He watches her storming out of the room. About an hour minutes later, she kicks the door down and stomps her feet right between his legs. Purposefully missing his crotch.

** Echo:  ** Imaga-

** Hibana:  ** THAT'S ANE-SAN IMAGAWA FOR YOU! (She's wearing a mask that covers her nose and mouth. Long black skirt, fully open jacket and white singlet bound in tight bandages. There's a nail-adorned baseball bat in her hands, swaying dangerously close to his face. Eyebrows in tight knot and lips curled in snarl. She's ready to spit insults.)

** Echo:  ** Are you- Are you being a **[_sukeban?_](https://japadventure.com/sukeban-subculture)**

**Hibana:** Shut your damn mouth, pig!

** Echo:  ** This feels more like a Halloween. You can really try it-

** Hibana:  ** I said shut it! (A hard swing that leaves dent on the couch.) You lazy fucking bastard. How about you move your ass once in a while? Stop hogging the good angle that's meant to be for your anchors!

** Echo:  ** Whoa, now that's personal.

** Hibana:  ** I can get REAL personal, you punk ass. How about you be cooperative with other people for once in your life. Have real human connections.

** Echo:  ** What-

** Hibana:  ** Yeah, otaku boy. Not everyone is some character from dating sim. So tuck your ballsacks in and get out there, you smelly raccoon!

** Echo:  ** You can stop now.

** Hibana:  ** Okay. (She puts the bat aside and beams a smile.) Was that good enough?

** Echo:  ** Too good. You sounded like one of those high school bullies.

** Hibana:  ** Naw, just a stereotype I saw from anime. Hope you didn't pee your pants haha

** Echo:  ** Nope. Not at all.


	10. GEO April Fool's

** Mira:  ** It's really not _our_ April Fool's day.

**Jackal:** No. Do we even have grapes?

** Mira:  ** Not that I know of. At least I've got a red underwear on.

** Jackal:  ** I didn't need to know that.

** Mira:  ** Where's yours?

** Jackal:  ** That's a disclosed information.

** Mira:  ** At your partner's room. Got it.

** Jackal:  ** I know how to make grapes.

** Mira:  ** Yeah?

** Jackal:  ** Get raisins in water.

** Mira:  ** I forget that you can be smart sometimes.

** Jackal:  ** I'm smart all the time. Haven't you seen me teaching at the academy?

** Mira:  ** Yeah okay. You know what will be a better idea?

** Jackal:  ** Dunk them in champagne?

** Mira:  ** Yes.

They plan to put twenty four raisins in a glass, then realises it will take longer soak. So they end up putting the raisins in a bottle and find it hard to get the fattened raisins out from the bottle. Solution? Drink all the champagne out from the bottle and suck the raisins out. Getting drunk isn't part of the plan, but it's a happy little accident.

** Mira:  ** _Inocentes!_ (Smooches Jackal by his cheek.)

** Jackal:  ** _Inocentes!_ (Reciprocates the act.)

Amaru walks by and swoops Mira in her arms with a silly grin and eyebrow raise. Meanwhile Jackal is off to retrieve his red underwear from someone very special ;) He rhymes with 'fuck.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got ship bias, okay? ;)


	11. SDU April Fool's

**Lesion:** Hey, can you do me a favour?

** Ying:  ** Yeah, what?

** Lesion:  ** I need to borrow some money.

** Ying:  ** Wow. Okay how much?

** Lesion:  ** Five dollars.

** Ying:  ** Okay? Here. (She gives him the money.)

** Lesion:  ** I'll pay you back soon.

** Ying:  ** Sure.

Ten minutes later, he comes back with two cups of bubble tea.

** Lesion:  ** Here you go.

** Ying:  ** ? Why ?

** Lesion:  ** There's your money back.

** Ying:  ** What? I didn't ask for one.

** Lesion:  ** I know. That's your five dollars back.

** Ying:  ** This is five dollars?

** Lesion:  ** (Strikes a straw into his bubble tea.) Yup.

** Ying:  ** That's five dollars as well?

** Lesion:  ** (Takes a big, long gulp.) Yes.

** Ying:  ** What? That means you didn't even need to borrow money from me.

** Lesion:  ** Yes, I did. So I can get two bubble teas.

** Ying:  ** But I didn't ask you to get me one.

** Lesion:  ** No, you didn't say it. But I don't have any cash on me so I bought you something that's equivalent of five dollars.

** Ying:  ** Are you serious right now?

** Lesion:  ** Yeah.

** Ying:  ** No, this is **bullshit.** Give me my five dollars back.

** Lesion:  ** Okay.

He leaves and comes back with two packets of potato crisps.

** Lesion:  ** Here you go.

** Ying:  ** What the fuck.

** Lesion:  ** You can have both. Two-fifty each.

** Ying:  ** Tze Long I'm not fucking around with you. Give me five dollars in cash.

** Lesion:  ** Aren't you picky.

** Ying:  ** I'm ready to pick your ass and dump it in oil water. So help me.

** Lesion:  ** Ouch. That's hurts me deep.

** Ying:  ** Stop smiling and go.

There he goes again and comes back with ten dollars note.

** Ying:  ** Can I get a permit? Like, to murder?

** Lesion:  ** Oh, don't be so hasty. Here you go. (He rips the note in half and hands her the slightly bigger piece.) That'll be about five-fifty. Now you owe me fifty cents.

** Ying:  ** I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP. I'M GONNA REARRANGE YOUR WHOLE SKELETAL STRUCTURES.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The ultimate troll.


	12. GROM April Fool's

**Ela:** I love you, sis.

** Zofia:  ** (Gapes in disbelief, then regains her composure.) Oh. It's April Fool's, huh.

** Ela:  ** No, I mean it. I've always loved you and thought you are the greatest.

** Zofia:  ** Your smile is way too fake.

** Ela:  ** Come on. How many times have I been lying to you?

** Zofia:  ** That time when you said you took out art in your curriculum, but you made it your major?

** Ela:  ** Oh that.

** Zofia:  ** That time when you said you gonna do piercing on only one spot and it was your belly button.

** Ela:  ** Yeah.

** Zofia:  ** That ONE time when you said you have two best friends, but they were actually your partners simultaneously.

** Ela:  ** What, you don't know what poly means?

** Zofia:  ** Ela, I'm making a point here.

** Ela:  ** Fine, fine. So I guess you will never believe me when I say 'I love you' when it's not April Fool's.

** Zofia:  ** No, that's not what I said.

** Ela:  ** Or when I say that after all these years, I'm actually reaching out to you as a sister, as a family. You won't believe ANY of that, huh?

** Zofia:  ** Ela, come on.

** Ela:  ** What, sis? Now do you believe me when I say 'I love you?'

** Zofia:  ** Yes. Yes, I believe you. I'm sorry for being doubtful.

** Ela:  ** That's okay. I will say one more thing.

** Zofia:  ** What is it?

** Ela:  ** I 'didn't' break your intricate pump water gun when we were young and hid it under your bed.

** Zofia: **

** Zofia:  ** OH. MY GOD. THAT WAS YOU.

** Ela:  ** I gotta go now. Love you sis.


	13. SMB April Fool's

** Dokkaebi:  ** Hyung hyung guess what

** Vigil:  ** No.

** Dokkaebi:  ** What! You didn't even hear what I was about to say.

** Vigil:  ** You're gonna do something weird because it's April Fool's.

** Dokkaebi:  ** What! Me? No way.

** Vigil:  ** I'm out.

** Dokkaebi:  ** You will regret this. If you don't hear what I have to say, you will regret it!

** Vigil:  ** (Waves his hand at her without even looking back.)

He's finally at peace without her nagging and chatting. All those chatter that he didn't even ask to be engaged in. She's double the terror on a day like this, so library is his choice of sanctuary until the day passes.

**???:  ** Why are you doing this?

Who's that? It sounds like a lady. Vigil looks around to see who made that sound. Thankfully there's two other people who is sitting around him and they don't seem to notice anything amiss. He shrugs it off and continues to read.

**???:  ** Honey, I can explain!

What. Where is this coming from? It's a male this time. People are looking at him. Why are they looking at him.

**???:  ** No! I thought I was gonna get the inheritance.

The sound - that horrid scream is coming from his pocket. The phone is somehow turned on, somehow has his screen brightly lit and SOMEHOW playing a soap opera that has too many rich people's problems.

**His phone:** OUR MOTHER NEVER LOVED YOU!!!

It won't turn off and these damned smartphones has no external battery to yank off. Vigil sprints out of the library, his sweet lair that will ban him with unspoken judgement. He returns to the base and stomps into her room without a knock.

** Vigil:  ** Turn this off right now.

** Dokkaebi:  ** Oh! So the stream worked, huh. (In her hands, there's a phone that's playing the same drama he's forced to hear.)

** Vigil:  ** NOW.

** Dokkaebi:  ** Okay, okay. Sheesh. (Everything is silent now.)

** Vigil:  ** IS this what you meant when you said I'll regret?

** Dokkaebi:  ** Kinda. I was going to steam something more for adults, but I felt a little merciful today.

** Vigil:  ** I don't like you.

** Dokkaebi:  ** You don't mean that because today's April Fool's day. Bye, hyung.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I get a lot of questions when I use 'hyung' instead of 'oppa' when Dokkaebi talks to Vigil, I will add the explanation here. 
> 
> Oppa (오빠) is absolutely correct for younger female to call the older male and it’s widely used, regardless of the relationship just being friendly or romantic. 
> 
> I think it comes down to how I headcannon their dynamics to be - 
> 
> For me, if Dokkaebi sees Vigil as big bro type with slight hint of romance, I would use oppa (yup, for Dokkaebi/Vigil.)
> 
> If they are just strictly work colleagues, I can also see Dokkaebi calling Vigil seonbae (선배) which means senior. It’s like senpai but in Korean.
> 
> The instance that I use hyung (형) is usually for younger male to older male. Still the same as ‘big bro’ title. But I would also like to add that hyung can also be used from younger female to older male in a sense of friendly relationship between juniors and seniors, or really close and comfortable friends. It’s something that my mum’s age used to do but I saw other Korean media such as webtoons and dramas using it as well, (younger female calling older male hyung,) hence why I favour hyung because it fits how I see them as. Semi-chummy bros before salmon roes.
> 
> Tis your friendly PSA from residential Korean Grunk.
> 
> Peace out!


	14. GIS April Fool's

**Maestro:** _Mio Dio!_ (He's woken up surrounded by Alibi. More like eight Alibis on edges of his bed, staring at each other as if he's not there in the first place.)

** Maestro:  ** Aria. Aria, we need to talk! (He walks through the holograms, wincing when the blue light bleeps against his dry eyes. He collects all the Prismas and places them on the table, but realises that there's only seven of them.)

** Maestro:  ** Aria, I know you're in here. Let's have a chat. (He's too late to notice the door creaking behind him.)

** Maestro:  ** de Luca! (He walks out and halts immediately. There's a trail of Alibis facing him along the corridor. Icy and immobile eyes staring as if they are all watching his movement. Maestro throws a towel along to check if any of them are real, but none hold any real shape.

** Maestro:  ** I'm too sleepy for this shit. (He begins to walk down until there's a poke on his back. A quick whip to turn around but all he sees is another trail of Alibis that has mechanical layout attached to their feet.)

** Maestro:  ** Look, I'm sorry I said your linguine isn't al dente. But it was way too overcooked!

There's no reply. Maestro sweeps his arm against the remaining holograms and touches nothing. He heads to the kitchen for a cup of coffee and what's there? Alibis on every tiles. On the tables, chairs, kitchen counters, stove. It feels like walking through field that's dense with overgrown corn stalks, except corn stalks don't have virtual eyes, arms, legs and guns that point at you.

** Maestro:  ** (Nearly sobbing.) Please. Aria, this is too much.

** Alibi, from somewhere:  ** Admit that your sauce is too oily.

** Maestro:  ** No. Not my sauces.

** Alibi, sounding a little farther:  ** You drizzle olive oil on everything. People get greased out.

** Maestro:  ** But you know! Olive oil is love. It's passion-

** Alibi, sounding more like a distant whisper:  ** Then your fate is sealed. Expect more of me to watch you. To haunt you.

** Maestro:  ** Okay okay I'm sorry! I'm a greasy cook.

** Alibi, right next to Maestro:  ** Good man.

Maestro reaches out to grab her arm but she's out of reach already. All Maestro can see is a trail of beeps as she walks over her mirror images, exiting through the balcony.


	15. GSUTR April Fool's

**Clash:** It's that time of the year.

** Maverick:  ** Yes. I thought you'd enjoy it with the other Brits.

** Clash:  ** Naw, not after what I did to the FBIs. 

** Maverick:  ** Did something happen?

** Clash:  ** Nothing big. It was last year anyway.

** Maverick:  ** Please. I enjoy good stories.

** Clash:  ** Okay, so you know Trace, right?

** Maverick:  ** He's hard to forget.

** Clash:  ** Yeah, that piss poor sod. So he thought it'd be a good idea to draw on Estrada's head. He dare asked me to practise on MY head, so I told him to fuck off.

** Maverick:  ** As expected.

** Clash:  ** Right! But he begged and begged, something about being artsy and shit. So I told him to give me compensation and he promised a really good drink. You know I'm a sucker for a good quality Guinness.

** Maverick:  ** Was the Guinness worth it?

** Clash:  ** Hell no. Do you know what that fucker did? He drew with a piss-fuck vivid. A VIVID. Permanent marker.

** Maverick:  ** And you let him live?

** Clash:  ** Please. You take me for a mellow push over. I pinned him down on the spot and shaved the middle of his scalp. Making it look like a bloody motorway number 16.

** Maverick:  ** A job well done.

** Clash:  ** Speak of the occasion, I know how to spend my afternoon. Care to come with?

** Maverick:  ** I'd say no, but I suddenly remember what he said about the Delta Force.

** Clash:  ** Ha! What did that fucker say?

** Maverick:  ** Nothing that's worthy. Let's go.

And that's how Thermite gains a magnificent moustache that will last the whole week. And a black tooth.


	16. GIGR April Fool's

**Nomad:** Kaid.

** Kaid:  ** Yes?

** Nomad:  ** I'm ready.

** Kaid:  ** For what?

** Nomad:  ** I will be your successor.

There's a clang next to them. Following the direction of the noise, there sits Oryx crouching down to pick up the cup and wipe off the water he has spilled.

** Kaid:  ** Excellent. Splendid! Let me get the paper work ready.

** Nomad:  ** Hold your horse, kaid. I need to tell you one more thing.

** Kaid:  ** Yes, yes. What is it?

** Nomad:  ** April Fool's.

** Kaid:  ** What's that?

** Nomad:  ** April Fool's, like I said.

** Kaid:  ** And I asked you the meaning of whatever that is.

Silence envelopes the room, chilling down the atmosphere and freezing all the inhabitants on the spot.

** Kaid:  ** So. When shall we get ready?

** Nomad:  ** I don't think you understand-

** Oryx:  ** Kaid, please let her explain.

** Kaid:  ** Explain what?

Bystanders would be chomping down on pop corns if they had some.

** Nomad:  ** April Fool's is a day where people often tell jokes. Or pull pranks.

** Kaid:  ** I see. No need to fret! I don't lie about having you as my successor. It's a jolly occasion to have you on board as well.

** Nomad:  ** I was ly- wait, 'as well?'

** Kaid:  ** Yes. You and Al Hadid will be both my successors. I know it's unorthodox to have two kaids, but the Fortress need a wind of change. This is a new era.

** Oryx:  ** (Whispering to Nomad.) Too late. You're really in it now.

** Kaid:  ** Tis time for a celebration. _في صحتك!_


	17. SASR April Fool's

Here's a little tradition between them. Every year on the first of April, Mozzie would find the freakiest way to dress up and come up to Gridlock. Saying that he's got badly hurt due to motorcycle accidents. It started out with tomato sauce on his chest and face. Then white plastic bits to imitate broken bones sticking out. Uncooked sausages for gushing intestines. Each year his 'costume' gets more gruesome and Gridlock would be the one getting someone to help him. She was the one to bring unsuspected bystanders to give the a nice surprise. Last year they made Doc nearly gauge his eyes out.

** Mozzie:  ** Tori! Tori, help! (Mozzie is sprint-limping, his helmet drenched in reddish green and teeth yellow.) I'm suffering from gangrene and jaundices. Ohhh the pain!

** Gridlock: **

** Mozzie:  ** Tori! I'm dying.

** Gridlock: **

** Mozzie:  ** Hey, mate? You awake?

** Gridlock:  ** Oh. OH NO Max what happen to you?

** Mozzie:  ** I'm dyinggggg

People gather around to observe the commotion and some look a little concerned, but they mostly don't believe it with Gridlock not acting out as much as she should be. Ela comes by to interrogate Mozzie about her painting and that's the end of the ordeal.

** Mozzie:  ** (Freshly out of shower.) Hey. What happened out there?

** Gridlock:  ** What?

** Mozzie:  ** You spaced out. Killed the whole gig, but in a bad way.

** Gridlock:  ** Ah, yeah. Oh well, I guess my bad acting skill is finally catching up on me.

** Mozzie:  ** No way. We've always been rubbish. Come on, what's on your mind?

** Gridlock:  ** Nothing much.

** Mozzie:  ** Fuck the bullshit. What's up?

** Gridlock:  ** Nah, don't worry about it.

** Mozzie: **

** Mozzie:  ** OHHHH MY HEART. MY HEART. YOU CUT ME DEEP, MOSES.

** Gridlock:  ** Who's Moses?

** Mozzie:  ** Brother, how could you? You're Ramses!

** Gridlock:  ** Haha that's funny.

** Mozzie:  ** That's the fakest laugh ever! What the fuck.

** Gridlock:  ** Alright. You want April Fool's joke, hey?

** Mozzie:  ** Not what I was going for, but better than nothing I guess.

** Gridlock:  ** I think it'd be funny to settle down. Have someone to be there at my home. Stable.

** Mozzie:  ** Whut

** Gridlock:  ** Stable... like them horses and cows, mate! Ha I got you there.

** Mozzie:  ** You got me. Very confused.

** Gridlock:  ** I'm joking. Well, I need to go now. Catch you after dinner right?

** Mozzie:  ** Yeah okay.

Afternoon is spent busy and uneventful, and evening comes. Mozzie hauls Gridlock into his truck and insists that he's the driver tonight.

** Gridlock:  ** I swear to God, if you drink after all this I'm not gonna drive your auto.

** Mozzie:  ** Just because you only love to drive manual. But nah, I'm not gonna drink. I swear.

They arrive at a bar situated on busy looking street. It has a rainbow flag on it and laughter can be heard from the car park on the other side.

** Gridlock:  ** What's this?

** Mozzie:  ** Look. They're doing quiz night.

** Gridlock:  ** But it's for four people.

** Mozzie:  ** So what? We meet two other people to make a team.

** Gridlock:  ** Max, what are you doing?

** Mozzie:  ** We are gonna enjoy our time in a family bar, order some cheese board, mix and mingle. This isn't my usual pick so I guarantee you no bar fights.

** Gridlock:  ** But why.

** Mozzie:  ** You know why. You don't have to try hard and meet someone you like today. Just gonna have fun and make new relationships. I'm gonna be shining my wedding ring, letting people know that I'm taken. So don't tell Lozza that I'm up to any unfunny business.

** Gridlock:  ** Mate. Mate, I don't know what to say.

** Mozzie:  ** Make me your best man if you want get married in the future. Now let's go and show them how much of a freak you are.

** Gridlock:  ** Fuck off. (She slaps him on the back but he's smiling from ear to ear.)


	18. Phantom Sight April Fool's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've combined the JGK and USSS together under their operation name.

** Warden:  ** You know, your gadget and skill set is quite a threat against security measures.

** Nøkk:  ** So?

** Warden:  ** Have you thought about using it for any personal benefit?

** Nøkk:  ** What you're saying doesn't sound all too proper for someone who works for the Secret Service.

** Warden:  ** Please, ma'am. I have no ill intention.

** Nøkk:  ** Right.

** Warden:  ** I'm asking for a little favor that will benefit both of us.

** Nøkk:  ** I'm listening.

** Warden:  ** I've got some enemy who tries to snoop on what I'm doing. And they are aiming to reveal who you are, since we are bound by the operation 'Phantom Sight.'

** Nøkk:  ** Are you asking me to clean the mess that you made?

** Warden:  ** It's more complicated than that. Some of these enemies are newfound, and they have closer relation to Scandinavia rather than North America.

** Nøkk:  ** So you're in danger because of me as well. Tough luck.

** Warden:  ** It won't be too bad. That's why I'm proposing a plan to you.

** Nøkk:  ** I can just turn you in for misconduct.

** Warden:  ** Be my guest. I wouldn't be taking risk without any backup.

** Nøkk:  ** Nice. What's this plan of yours?

On the first of April, Harry finds his office filled with arrays of neon coloured office supplies. All the database files are in shades of baby pink and cotton candy blue, and everybody's names are something along the lines of 'Twinkle Tee Hee' and 'Cutesy Farty Boo Boo.' A week later, Warden gains an intel that his 'enemies' are still deciphering the meaning behind the names and colour codes, sending them further away from the 'real' information they are trying to use against Warden and Nøkk.

** Nøkk:  ** I still think the sickly sweet facade is over the top.

** Warden:  ** It's working though. Works wonders.


	19. Ember Rise April Fool's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I've combined the APCA and FES together under their operation name.

**Amaru:** Hey. The Spaniards are drunk off their butts.

** Goyo:  ** I know. They had their grapes and all.

** Amaru:  ** Let's celebrate our _Inocentes_ today as well!

** Goyo:  ** No.

** Amaru:  ** You're no fun! How old are you, _chico?_

** Goyo:  ** An adult just like you, _tia!_ We don't need to do something so childish whenever given the opportunity.

** Amaru:  ** Oh. So that's it, huh. You think you're more grown up than I am.

** Goyo:  ** Sometimes, yes.

** Amaru:  ** Oh! Sassy too! What fine man you've become.

** Goyo:  ** _Tia_ Azucena, please.

** Amaru:  ** Alright. Your silly auntie is gonna go somewhere. Having fun.

** Goyo:  ** (Sighs.) Call me if you need help.

** Amaru:  ** I won't need it!

Things seem to be quiet for a while. Goyo isn't actually enjoying the tranquility. Not in a mood to rest or relax because it all feels like calm before the storm. It's not really over until there's a loud bang that eradicates the unsettling peace, and Goyo is unsure whether he wants to stay this way or get over with whatever that may barge in.

** Mira:  ** _ Chico! _

That's another auntie to look out for.

** Goyo:  ** Yes?

** Mira:  ** Have you had some of this chocolate tamale your _tia_ made? It's ridiculous but weirdly good!

** Jackal:  ** You're too drunk to be judge of a good flavor.

** Mira:  ** No, but it's seriously good! You liked it too.

** Jackal:  ** Yeah, but it's still weird. It's not meant to be good.

** Mira:  ** Fuck it. Go check it out!

** Goyo:  ** On it.

It's a fearful discovery that brings him back the memory. One of those unruly teenage spike he had at the tender age of fourteen, how he declared to make tamale with sweet cereals because he didn't like the one that Amaru made. He doubts any relation between the embarrassing memory and the shenanigan that's happening now, but sometimes his intuition is too accurate for his own good.

** Amaru:  ** Do you like it?

** Castle:  ** It's intersting-

** Thermite:  ** SO DELICIOUS! GIVE ME ALL.

** Goyo:  ** _Tia,_ what is this?

** Amaru:  ** Excitement.

** Goyo:  ** This is abomination.

** Amaru:  ** That's not what you said twenty some years ago.

** Goyo:  ** No-

** Amaru:  ** You know, I did want to make this with you. But I know Sofia won't like it.

** Goyo:  ** You did?

** Amaru:  ** Yeah! I'm your cool auntie, no?

** Goyo:  ** Oh. (He lowers his gaze and picks up on one of the tamales that's oozing with dark chocolate.) Yes, you are.

** Amaru:  ** So come and enjoy this foolish dish. Fool's food. Churlish dish-

** Goyo:  ** Okay, that's enough rhymes.

** Goyo:  ** Thank you.

** Amaru:  ** No need to thank me. This is our own special _Inocentes._


	20. Nitehaven April Fool's

** Kali: **

** Wamai: **

** Kali:  ** When's our next training?

** Wamai:  ** In few hours.

** Kali:  ** Cool. (Begins to clean her rifle.)

** Wamai:  ** You know, water in a well begins to rot if not stirred.

** Kali:  ** We are NOT going to join the parades of idiots.

** Wamai:  ** Too many microorganisms, busy multiplying. Infecting the whole system.

** Kali:  ** It's unnecessary. You don't see our men fretting over such small stuffs.

** Wamai:  ** Creating something new. A new specie we've yet to see and unprepared for.

** Kali:  ** Absolutely not. They are loyal to us. To me.

** Wamai:  ** New or old won't matter. Until something bigger comes along that can scoop it out to see what's out there.

** Kali:  ** Rainbow IS the change we need. And we have it in our grasp.

** Wamai:  ** Then why don't we see how this new specie will survive out there? Mixing with other organisms?

** Kali: **

** Kali:  ** Fine. We will think of something to do, but just this once.

** Ash:  ** What the fuck are you guys even talking about.

** Wamai:  ** Good afternoon, Cohen. (He leaves and Kali follows. Ash busily sends a text message to Harry, warning him about the possible drugs these 'new' operators are smoking.)


	21. REU April Fool's

** Twitch:  ** You know, Nienke. You've got the perfect gadget for pranking.

** Iana:  ** You're right. But do I want to misuse it and get told off by your big boss?

** Twitch:  ** Maybe. She can get scary but the fun is worth it.

Time to get randomiser.

**First victim:** Mira is sitting alone in her desk, drinking hot coffee while reading over the latest report. There's too many to correct because it's written by some scatter brain she despises. Iana's hologram walks in.

** Mira:  ** Meijer, good to see you. I need you help on this- (The hologram runs towards Mira and swooshes past her.) OH SDKJFL WHAOA (Coffee spilled everywhere.)

** Iana:  ** Oh no.

** Twitch:  ** Time to run.

** Mira:  ** MIERDA YOU COME BACK HERE

** Second victim:  ** Smoke has dried his face from the water balloon attack. He is about to light a cigarette while constantly looking behind him to see if his other teammates are around to witness the betrayal. Hologram!Iana walks in and he flinches against a wall.

** Smoke:  ** Fucking hell! You scared me. What was your name again? (The hologram jumps into him. Smoke screams bloody murder and drops the cigarette. He hops and waddles like a duck and steps on his the strand. There goes his nicotine heaven.)

** Third victim:  ** Buck is getting ready to sizzle some fine venison. Salt is sprinkled already and he's about to get some pepper. From the corner of his eyes, he sees Iana.

** Buck:  ** Hey. How is it going?

Hologram walks up to him, then shoves its upper body into Buck. He drops the pepper bottle and the black cloud is everywhere, making him sneeze uncontrollably.

** Iana:  ** I feel a little bad about that one.

** Fourth Victim:  ** Montagne is playing a game of chess against Lion. He's frowning because the opposing bishop is about to catch his knight.

** Twitch:  ** (Whispering.) Jump into Olivier.

Hologram!Iana obliges and sneaks behind Montagne. Lion notices it and stares at her intently. The hologram sprints into his face, to which Lion freaks out and flips the board. All the pieces have fallen down and Montagne sighs in relief.

** Fifth victim:  ** Echo decides to change his pants for some very personal reason. It's nothing to do with 'sukeban' Hibana, nor how he was actually scared and 'nearly' pissed himself. Twitch knocks on his door and leaves to hide in a corner. Echo opens the door and sees the Hologram!Iana.

** Echo:  ** (Hiding his lower half behind the door.) Can I help you?

Hologram!Iana waves her hand, indicating that he should open up.

** Echo:  ** No, but you can come back in a bit later.

Hologram!Iana rolls her neck and sticks her head between the gap. Echo scoots back and slams the door out of reflex, then he's really worried if he has hurt her.

** Echo:  ** Are you okay?! (He opens the door and sees no one other than Ash and Kali who are walking by. The two ladies look at him, and then his downstairs that's thankfully protected by boxers.)

** Ash:  ** The question is 'Are YOU okay?'

** Kali:  ** I'm not.

They walk by while giving Echo the meanest, stinkest leer. Echo closes the door rather quietly, and Twitch and Iana can hear him yelling something in Japanese.

** Twitch:  ** Oh shit.

** Iana:  ** Oh.


End file.
